I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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