i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize