Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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