So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You're my little dorito
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
you never un-have a 4some
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
