i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
