I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
