Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
