I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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