What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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