I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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