My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
