i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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