Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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