If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
