Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
