I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
