They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
