Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
soo... how was my night?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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