i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Damn victory sex feels great
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
