apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
