Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
