if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
we're so committed to being not committed
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
