Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
