I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sry I called you an 8
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
