The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
