Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
