Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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