with your own penis?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
