hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
