i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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