I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
