I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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