I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
