I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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