did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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