Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
