Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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