my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
