I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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