he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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