I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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