Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
