I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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