today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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