Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
