Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
