Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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