____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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