Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
we should paint friendship bongs
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
