I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
