Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize