She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
