AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
