I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize