i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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