I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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