This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
