I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
send nudes
from the living room?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
