Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
