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A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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