you would pick up someone in the library
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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