He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
