I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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