worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
