have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
