Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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