You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
