can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
