There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize