I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
