I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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