I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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