He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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