when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
