my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
