i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
