Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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