At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
