dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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