I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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